A Litany for Living
Because Love Unspoken is Still Unfinished.
I never heard my biological father say I love you. But the truth is—I am pretty sure I never heard him say anything. I have no real memory of him at all. He left before I could even form a sentence, let alone hear one from him.
There’s a strange kind of silence that comes with abandonment. Not just the absence of love, but the absence of a chance at love. I don’t know what his voice sounded like. I don’t know if he ever wondered about me. But I do know what it’s like to grow up without a father’s words, especially those three: I love you.
And then, years later, when my mom died—and not long after, my stepdad too—I wasn’t there to say those words to them, either. Not in person. Not at the end.
They knew, of course. We had love, real and steady. But still—I would have given anything to sit beside them, hold their hand, and say it out loud. Not because they needed to hear it, but because I needed to say it.
That’s why we start here—with this phrase.
I love you.
Three words that are simple. Sacred. And sometimes, spoken too late.
We act like “I love you” belongs to romance movies or greeting cards or perfectly timed dinner dates. But real love doesn’t wait for the perfect scene. It shows up in kitchens and parking lots. In hospice rooms and voicemails.
It shows up trembling and overdue. It shows up clumsy and cracked. But when it’s real, it matters.
In one episode of
THE PITT, a father is dying. His adult children are encouraged to say four things to him before he goes. One of them is “I love you.” It’s not tidy. It doesn’t fix the past. But it lets something sacred come into the room.
Sometimes that’s all love needs: a voice, and enough courage to speak.
We assume people know how we feel. We think our actions speak loud enough. We wait for the right time. But I love you
isn’t just a farewell. It’s a way of being. A kind of spiritual punctuation that should show up regularly, not rarely. Not the performative kind of love. The practiced kind. The daily, quiet, ordinary kind:
I love you, even when the house is loud and no one’s listening.
I love you, even when we’ve been distant.
I love you, even when I forgot to show it yesterday.
Maybe you didn’t grow up in a family that said it. Maybe it still feels awkward or unnecessary. Maybe it’s easier to crack a joke or give a hug than to speak the actual words.
Say them anyway. Even if they come out sideways. Even if they sound clumsy.
Say them before you wish you had.
When I sit with families to learn about a loved one who has passed away, I’m always amazed—and if I’m honest, often saddened—by how rarely I love you gets mentioned. Not because love wasn’t there, but because it went unspoken.
Maybe they just weren’t the “say it out loud” type. Maybe they assumed it was understood.
It’s part of why I make it a point to tell my boys I love them every time we talk. We don’t hang up the phone without saying it - - ever. It’s not dramatic or emotional. It’s just what we do. A habit of the heart. A way of marking the moment and reminding each other: This matters. You matter.
Because I love you is an altar.
And when it shows up late, or soft, or bravely spoken in a place it’s rarely heard.
It becomes an Unlikely Altar.
A couple of weeks ago I attended a Jewish wedding. The music was lively, the laughter contagious. But what caught my attention first wasn’t the dancing or the glass. It was the chuppah—the canopy under which the couple stands. Four simple poles, cloth stretched above, open on all sides. The chuppah isn’t just there for decoration. It is one of the most important symbols of the ceremony. It recalls the story of the Exodus, when a cloud led God’s people by day and fire by night. The Hebrew word shekinah describes that presence—not just glory, but the very dwelling of God among the people. Standing under the canopy, the couple is reminded that they are not alone in this covenant. Their love is sheltered, covered, surrounded . But the canopy carries more meaning still. Some rabbis say its four open sides recall Abraham’s tent; a home always open to strangers. In that sense, the chuppah is about hospitality—marriage as a space of welcome, a household where others are received. Others say it represents the sky itself, stretched above the couple like creation’s ceiling. Either way, the chuppah whispers that love is not private property. It is held within something larger, and it is meant to spill outward in welcome. And if the canopy over their heads spoke volumes, so did the calendar on which the day was marked. John tells us the wedding at Cana happened on “ the third day .” For first-century Jews, that wasn’t a throwaway detail. Weddings were often held on the third day of the week—Tuesday—because in the creation story, Tuesday is the only day God called good twice. A double blessing. Even today, some Jewish couples choose Tuesday for that reason. But “ the third day ” carried even more resonance. Again and again in Hebrew scripture, the third day was the day God showed up. Abraham saw Mount Moriah on the third day. God descended on Sinai on the third day. Esther put on her royal robes and went before the king on the third day. To say something happened on “the third day” was to say: expect God to arrive, expect deliverance, expect blessing. So John knew what he was doing when he set the Cana story on that day. It wasn’t just about the calendar. It was a signal: this is the kind of moment when heaven leans close. And when heaven leans close, the ordinary becomes charged with meaning. Even the wine. Wine is central at Jewish weddings, not just as refreshment but as covenant. The ceremony begins with blessings over the kiddush cup, sanctifying the marriage. Wine marks both betrothal (kiddushin) and marriage (nissuin). It’s more than a drink—it is joy, covenant, and abundance poured into a single cup. That’s why running out of wine at Cana wasn’t just awkward. Without wine, the celebration itself felt incomplete. So when the jars were filled and the steward tasted new wine, it wasn’t just about quenching thirst—it was about joy restored, covenant renewed, abundance overflowing. What I love most is that wine in Jewish tradition always carries both sweetness and seriousness. It’s laughter and gravity in a single sip. The sweetness of joy, the weight of commitment. Every toast raised holds both—celebration and promise mingled together. ( And really, it’s one of the few times in life when no one complains about being poured a second glass. ) All these details—the canopy overhead, the blessing of the third day, the wine in their hands—remind me that weddings were never just social events. They were sacred rehearsals of older stories, echoes of covenant, reminders that life itself is stitched together with meaning. Which brings me back to the wedding in Cana. John could have begun with something more dramatic: a healing, a resurrection, a thunderous sign. Instead, he begins with a wedding. A family gathering. A table that was about to run dry. It turns out he knew that the extraordinary often hides inside the ordinary. That the presence of God shows up not just in miracles, but in music and laughter, in promises and canopies, in glasses lifted high. Standing there that night, watching this couple under the chuppah, I realize the altar doesn’t have to be stone or wood. Sometimes it’s laughter under a canopy. Sometimes it’s a circle of dancers clapping to the beat. Sometimes it’s a blessing whispered in Hebrew, or a glass of wine raised in joy. And sometimes, for those who remember the old stories, it’s a promise that echoes even deeper: “I go to prepare a place for you.” Like a bridegroom building an addition onto his father’s house, love prepares room for another. That’s the heart of covenant—making space for someone else, not just in your home but in your life. A wedding. Some wine. And a promise. An unlikely altar, reminding us that love’s promise is always to prepare a place.
Lee Corso made a career out of three little words: “Not so fast!” Delivered with a grin, a wag of the finger, and just enough mischief to keep everyone guessing, it was part joke, part interruption, part blessing. When he said it for the final time on his last ESPN College GameDay , it struck me that those words might be the sermon we all need. Because if we’re honest, most of us are living way too fast. We rush through conversations, multitask our way through meals, scroll past sunsets we barely notice, and plan the next big thing while overlooking the small, holy things happening right now. We’re always sprinting toward “what’s next,” which means we rarely pause long enough to savor what is. In my work with grieving families, I hear a truth again and again: when someone we love dies, it isn’t the big occasions we miss most. It’s the little things . The way he’d whistle while cooking breakfast on a Saturday morning. The way she’d slip her hand into his during a TV show. The sound of her laugh carrying through the house. Those are the things that stick. The everyday moments we barely noticed while they were happening—until suddenly, they’re gone. And only then do we realize how sacred those little things really were. I miss my Saturday football bets with my stepdad—something we did almost every Saturday for years. It wasn’t about the money (there wasn’t much of that anyway). It was the rhythm: the calls, the smack talk, the friendly second-guessing of coaches who would never hear us. A ritual stitched together one autumn at a time. This year, I’m starting that ritual with my two grown sons. Different Saturdays, same heartbeat. Scores and spreads, sure—but mostly a reason to show up for each other. To hear their voices. To make the small thing big again. And I miss Scrabble games with my mom—the quiet competitiveness, the eye she’d give me when I “accidentally” used a questionable word. I miss her laugh most of all. That sound was its own benediction over an ordinary evening. Kids grow up too fast. Parents pass away too early. The calendar insists we keep moving. But Corso’s raspy little reminder pushes back: Not so fast, my friend. The Bible names this rhythm Sabbath—a weekly way of saying not so fast. Rest. Breathe. Remember you are more than what you produce. Jesus lived with that same unhurried attention: lilies, sparrows, children, a tax collector in a tree. He didn’t rush past them. He saw them. He made the little moments holy. I think that’s the secret inside Corso’s catchphrase. It interrupts our certainty and our speed. It creates a pocket of time where we can notice again—be it a goofy mascot head or the person sitting across the table. When we slow down, the little things become altars : The phone call that doesn’t have a “point” beyond hearing a familiar voice. The grandchild’s drawing stays on the fridge longer than the calendar says it should. The first sip of coffee before the house wakes up. A well-worn game board and a laugh that fills the room. These aren’t headlines. They’re sacraments of the everyday. And if we’re going too fast, we’ll miss them. Lee Corso’s farewell wasn’t just about football or mascot heads. It was about a life spent showing up, savoring the moment, and never taking himself too seriously. That’s what he gave us, week after week—a reason to laugh, to pause, to notice. And maybe that’s what made his catchphrase feel like a benediction. So maybe that’s the blessing we carry forward: Not so fast, my friend. Not so fast when grief feels like it should be over. Not so fast when joy seems too small to matter. Not so fast when life pushes you to hurry past the wonder of an ordinary day. Slow down. Breathe. Call your people. Place your tiles on the board. Make your silly bets. Laugh in the kitchen. The altar might already be right in front of you.
True confession: when I bartended my way through college, I hated cleaning the frozen margarita machine. Hated it. Sticky, messy, impossible to get right. I used to slip the busboy an extra tip just so he’d clean it for me. Maybe that’s why to this day I still don’t care much for frozen margaritas. But even beyond that, it took me a long time before I’d drink a Margarita at all — even on the rocks. Too many painful memories of the bar. Too many nights when the clink of glasses was covering up loneliness, or when laughter at the counter didn’t quite reach the heart. And then there were the Wednesday nights. At one bar I worked, it was “upside-down margarita night.” Ugh. Messy, noisy, and honestly, kind of humiliating. Tips usually sucked. Maybe that’s part of why the Margarita carried more sting than sweetness for me. So for me, the Margarita isn’t just about refreshment — it’s about redemption. A Margarita on the rocks, with a salted rim and freshly squeezed limes, became something different. Something honest. A reminder that joy can be real, not forced. That sweetness can hold its own, even alongside the sour. That salt doesn’t have to ruin the glass, but can frame it. Because the Margarita isn’t just a party drink — it’s a paradox in a glass. Sweet and sour. Joy and sting. Celebration rimmed with salt. It’s laughter with friends while tears are still fresh. It’s the reminder that life doesn’t come to us neat and tidy, but mixed — with both the ache and the joy in the same moment. I think about that every time I hear the phrase “ Celebration of Life .” That’s what we used to call funerals. And I’ll be honest — I chuckle to myself whenever I read that title. Because the truth is, very few people are celebrating in those moments. There are still plenty of tears, because someone we love is no longer with us. When my mom died, and later my stepdad, in many ways it was a blessing. They had both been sick for a while, and I was grateful their suffering was over. But did I celebrate? No. It was sad in so many ways. There were tears and stories and laughter, yes — but celebration? That word didn’t quite fit. I see it often when I lead funerals. Laughter breaks out as the stories are shared, as we remember the quirks, the good times, the little moments that made someone who they were. And then, just as quickly, the tears come. Because those same memories remind us there’s now an empty seat where they once sat, a silence where their voice used to be. It’s both at once — laughter and tears, sweetness and salt. And maybe that’s what the Margarita reminds us: life is mixed. You can’t sip only the sweet and ignore the sting. You take them together. And when you do, you discover even the salt rimmed around the glass has its place. Isn’t that life? Always both. The good and the bad, the sweet and the sour, the joy and the sadness. And if this were a country bar instead of a cocktail post, this is probably where someone would cue up Garth Brooks. Because he said it best in The Dance : “ I could have missed the pain, but I’d have had to miss the dance .” We don’t get one without the other. The tears prove the love was real. The ache shows us the joy was worth it. Grief, after all, is just love with nowhere to go. Or, as Winnie the Pooh so simply put it: “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” May the salt on your lips remind you of the tears you’ve shed. May the sweetness on your tongue remind you of the joy that still lingers. May the stories you tell bring both laughter and ache — and may you know that even in the mixture of grief and gratitude, grace has a place at the table. Bar Lore Like many classic drinks, the Margarita’s exact origin is a little blurry. Some say it was first poured in Tijuana in the 1930s. Others claim it was invented for a Dallas socialite named Margarita. Another story points to Juárez in the 1940s. But what most agree on is this: it belongs to the “daisy” family of cocktails — a classic formula of spirit, citrus, and liqueur. In fact, “margarita” is Spanish for “daisy.” From its hazy beginnings, the Margarita grew into a worldwide favorite. Today it’s one of the most popular cocktails in the U.S. — whether served frozen (God help the poor bartender cleaning that machine) or shaken fresh over ice. Recipe: The Margarita 2 oz tequila (blanco or reposado) 1 oz Cointreau (or triple sec) 1 oz fresh lime juice Salt rim (optional, but highly recommended) Shake with ice, strain into a rocks glass with a salted rim. Garnish with lime. Zero-proof option: swap in non-alcoholic tequila and orange liqueur alternatives with fresh lime. A Note of Care: If you’re in recovery, please know this post is never meant to romanticize alcohol or overlook its very real dangers. The sacred can be found in tea, water, coffee, or stillness just as surely as in a cocktail glass. If drinking brings harm rather than healing — to you or to those you love — may you feel zero shame and full freedom to find your altar elsewhere. What matters isn’t what’s in the glass, but what opens your heart.