The Grave
Blessed Are Those That Mourn??
Over the years, I have stood at countless gravesides, either as a pastor or as a celebrant, I have learned a profound truth. Every family handles grief differently. And you can see it in the way they stand and in the silence that sits over them like a pall.
And even though I have witnessed it many times, I am never ready for the parents. I have watched a mom and dad lower a casket so small it breaks something in the air around it. There are no words. No theology can make sense of it. The flowers on top of the casket seem almost cruel in their brightness. And the dirt - well, it is just dirt. Then there are the parents who stand on the edge of that hole, trying to make sense of the senseless.
When I watch the family and friends standing at the grave, I feel the full weight of what it means to be human, which is to say, the full weight of what it means to love something you cannot keep.
And somewhere in the back of my mind, in those moments, I hear a question I have never been able to answer, standing there in the grass:
What does God say to this?
Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them…Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
If you have ever stood at a grave and someone turned to you and said those words, I imagine you might have felt something catch in your throat. Please understand, not because the words are wrong. But because in that moment, with the dirt still fresh and the flowers still bright and the people you love still unable to make their feet move toward the car, comfort feels very far away.
And if someone had leaned over and whispered, "Happy are those who mourn,”
— you might have said a few words you would regret later, then walked away. And you would have had every right to.
But please know that is not what Jesus said. He said makarios. And makarios
doesn't mean happy. It never did. It means something closer to — God is with you. Right here at the grave. Right now, in the midst of the hurt and the questions. In the moment when no words can make any sense. Jesus says, Makarios…
He doesn’t say, "Let's wait till the grief gets easier.” He doesn’t say, “Time heals all wounds.”
And He doesn’t say, “You will get over this.”
He simply says, “Blessed are those that mourn…”
The theologian Frederick Dale Bruner said that when Jesus used the word makarios, which is translated to blessed, he was reminding the people that God is with them. It is as if God taps you on the shoulder and whispers in your ear, “I am with you.”
And you know what I hold onto every funeral I stand with families? I hold on to the belief, in ways I can’t fully understand or explain, that those words are true. Okay, maybe God doesn’t just whisper them, He proclaims them in a big voice, bigger than the smallest casket even. He states them in such a way that they echo through every graveyard and every tomb. “Even in this moment, especially in this moment, I am with you. I am on your side!”
You see, I believe that because the God of Easter is not a God who watches grief from a distance and then sends an email. He is a God who came down, who stood at His own Son's grave. Who knows what those parents are feeling — not as theology, not as doctrine — but from the core of His being.
That is what Easter means even at the hardest grave. Not that death didn't happen. Not that the pain disappears with the sunrise. But that the God who walked out of the tomb on Sunday morning did it for exactly this moment. For the parents at the smallest grave. For the widow who can't make her feet move. For everyone standing in the grass, wondering what God could possibly say to this.
He says, "I am with you."
Even now. Maybe especially now.
And I'll tell you something I don't always say out loud. When I get in my Jeep after a graveside service and drive away, I sometimes wonder. And I hope. I hope that God does more than whisper.
But then I remember Easter.
It doesn't look like holy ground. It doesn't feel like it either. But it is.
But maybe that is exactly where the God of Easter shows up. Not after the grief passes. Not when the marker is finally in place, and the grass has grown back, and people have stopped bringing casseroles. But right there in the silence that sits over a family like a pall. In the moment when love has nowhere left to go.
The grave is an Unlikely Altar. But Easter was an unlikely morning.
On this Easter, may we know, may we remember, may we never forget — we have a God who doesn’t watch from a distance. Our God comes down and stands at the grave. And in a voice bigger than any casket, bigger than any grief, bigger than any question we have ever carried, He proclaims: I am with you. Even now. Maybe especially now.
He is risen. And that changes everything.
Not far from where Jesus sat down to teach, there were theaters. The region of Galilee in the first century lived inside a broader Greco-Roman world, and that world loved spectacle. Open-air theaters with stone seats carved into hillsides and stages wide enough to hold a crowd’s attention were scattered throughout the landscape around the very places Jesus walked and taught. The people who followed Him up that hillside didn’t have to imagine what a theater looked like because they had seen the performances for themselves. They understood the craft of it all. And they understood the masks. In the ancient world, actors wore them. Large, exaggerated masks that told the audience who the character was before a single line had even been spoken. The hero wore one face, while the villain wore another. And the audience? Well, they never saw what was underneath the mask. The actor himself could be exhausted, grieving, uncertain, or afraid, but none of that mattered once the mask was in place. What the crowd saw was the performance, and what the crowd got was the carefully constructed version presented to them under the lights. Those actors were called hypokrites . Now, here is something most people never hear in church. In the first century, that word was not originally an insult. A hypokrite was simply a performer, someone trained and respected for the ability to step into a role convincingly enough that the audience believed every word. The problem was not the theater. The problem came later, when Jesus looked at the religious leaders of His day and realized they had started doing the same thing with faith. He wasn’t calling them names as much as He was making a diagnosis. “You have become performers,” He was saying. “You have learned how to wear the right face in public. You know the right prayers, the right language, the right gestures, the right places to stand so people can see you. You have become so skilled at performing holiness that somewhere along the way you may have forgotten the difference between the mask and the man underneath it.” That crowd on the hillside would have heard those words differently than we do now. They would not have heard a simple moral scolding. They would have heard a surgeon naming the wound out loud. So when Jesus says, “Blessed are the pure in heart,” He never actually stops to define what that means. There is no checklist attached. No seven habits of the spiritually successful. No formula for finally becoming impressive enough for God. He simply says the words and lets them settle over the crowd like a question hanging in the air. Because honestly, who among us is pure in heart? Who among us has nothing hidden, nothing managed, nothing rehearsed? Who among us has never worn a face that looked calmer, kinder, stronger, or more faithful than what was really happening underneath? But if you keep following Jesus through the Gospels, something begins to come into focus. Again and again, His sharpest words are aimed not at broken people, but at performative ones. He tells the Pharisees they are polishing the outside of the cup while the inside remains untouched. He watches one man stand in the temple, praying a polished, carefully constructed prayer about all the ways he is better than everyone else around him. Then Jesus notices another man standing at a distance, unable even to lift his eyes toward heaven, simply whispering, “God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” And Jesus says, “That one. That one went home justified.” Augustine once said that the real contrast in this Beatitude is not between purity and impurity, but between purity and hypocrisy. I think he was right, because a pure heart is not a perfect heart. It is not a heart that has finally climbed high enough to escape the mess of being human. It is not a heart that has figured out how to impress the room. A pure heart is simply an honest one. It is the person who finally grows too tired to keep performing and instead comes to God carrying what is actually true. And I think that is what the people on the hillside found so startling. Most of them could never keep up with the religious performance expected of them anyway. They were fishermen and laborers and tax collectors and women who had spent years being quietly reminded that they were falling short. The distance between who they were and who they were supposed to be felt enormous. They had been taught, directly and indirectly, that holiness belonged to people who performed better. Then Jesus sat down, looked directly at the people who could never quite keep the mask in place, and said, “Blessed.” I imagine some of them exhaled for the first time in years. I think about this often when I sit with families in grief. There is a version of grief that knows exactly how to behave in public. The right words get spoken. The right face gets worn. Everything is managed with quiet dignity, and I understand why. Some pain feels too personal to spill open in front of a room full of people. But every now and then, somebody stops performing. A daughter who held herself together through the visitation and funeral quietly breaks down at the graveside. A son who has not cried in decades suddenly reaches for his mother’s hand and cannot let go. A widow finally stops answering the question, “How are you doing?” with polite reflexes and simply says, “I honestly don’t know.” And those moments always feel holy to me. Not because composure is wrong. But because in those moments, there is no performance left. People let their masks slip, and suddenly something true stands in the open air between everybody who is present. I think that is what Jesus meant. Not that God only meets us when we fall apart, but that God has never needed our performance in order to love us in the first place. He meets us most deeply in the places where we stop pretending long enough to be known. The Unlikely Altar for this Beatitude is difficult to photograph because it is not really a place. It is the quiet moment, often unexpected and sometimes a little uncomfortable, when you finally grow weary of carrying the mask. Maybe it happens in your car after you have held yourself together all day. Maybe it happens in the middle of a conversation where something inside you simply quits trying to sound okay. Maybe it happens late at night when the performance becomes too heavy to keep carrying for another hour. That moment, strange as it sounds, may be holy ground. Not because you finally got your life together, but because you finally stopped pretending that you had. May we know, may we remember, may we never forget: God has never loved the mask more than the person underneath it. Take off the mask. That is all. Just take it off.
I could write about Cherie DeVaux, and honestly, I probably should. She made history Saturday at Churchill Downs — the first woman ever to train a Kentucky Derby winner in 152 years of trying. Golden Tempo came from dead last with 23-1 odds and crossed the finish line while Cherie stood in the winner's circle holding her nephew and crying the kind of tears you simply cannot manufacture. That's a real story, a genuinely good one, and it deserves its own altar. But I keep thinking about something else entirely. Every year, the Kentucky Derby does something to me that has nothing to do with the race itself. It's the pageantry. The hats that took three weeks to find. The mint juleps, the singing of My Old Kentucky Home , the roses, the trumpet call, the way a hundred thousand people dress up and gather and hold their breath together for exactly two minutes. There is something deeply human about all of that — something that looks, if you squint a little, like worship. I have come to believe that we need ritual; we always have and probably always will. We mark things with ceremony because some moments are simply too large to let pass without acknowledgment, and Churchill Downs on the first Saturday in May is one of the last places in America where everybody agrees, without argument, without explanation, to stop, dress up, and pay attention together. And then on Saturday, just before the gates opened, a horse named Great White reared up, fell backward, and flipped. He wasn't even supposed to be there. Great White got into the Derby field on Wednesday, just three days before the race, as a late entry after another horse was injured. A door opened that wasn't supposed to open. An unexpected chance, the kind that doesn't come looking for you twice. His trainer had him ready, and his jockey was up. The roses were on the table, the crowd was holding its breath, and the pageantry was in full, glorious swing. And right there at the threshold of the gate, not inside it, not pointed toward the finish line, but right there at the edge of the only moment his entire life had been building toward - - something spooked him. His body said no. He weighs 1,370 pounds. And fear? Fear stopped him cold. The chance of a lifetime was gone before it ever began. “It’s the chance of a lifetime in a lifetime of chance.” One chance. One Saturday. One gate. And just like that, it was over before it ever began. I’ve loved that line from Dan Fogelberg for years, but I don’t think I’ve ever felt it quite like I did on Saturday evening. The jockey walked away unhurt, which matters more than the race ever could. And Great White was reported to be perfectly fine afterward, unaware of what the moment had cost him, which is either mercy or heartbreak, depending on how you look at it. He will never know what he missed. He will never carry the weight of that threshold. He just is, somewhere in a stall right now, exactly the horse he was on Friday - - ready, capable, and unaware. I couldn't stop thinking about him. Not because it's a clean tragedy with a tidy moral, but because I have stood at enough gravesides to recognize that story. I officiate funerals, and I have sat with enough families to have lost count of the ones where fear made the call at the gate. It wasn't made by a failure or by lack of preparation. It wasn’t even bad luck, not exactly. Just fear, arriving at the worst possible moment, at the threshold of the thing they'd been pointed toward their whole life. The conversation they kept meaning to have. The relationship they almost repaired. The door that opened unexpectedly on a Wednesday and closed forever by Saturday. The pageantry of the world rolled on without them, the way it always does, and they never got their two minutes. Here is what I want to say to you today, and I want to say it as someone who has stood in those rooms and felt that grief: some of you still have your gate in front of you. The unexpected door is still open. The chance you didn't see coming is still there, waiting for you to stop letting fear make the call. Because fear will always find something to spook at. It will find a reason why this isn't the right moment, why you aren't quite ready, why it would be better to wait for a Saturday with better conditions, calmer nerves, and more certainty. Fear is patient and persuasive , and it knows exactly where to find you — right there at the threshold, when the gate is finally close enough to touch. But the roses don't wait. The trumpet doesn't play twice. And I have sat with too many people in too much grief over unlived moments to let this Derby pass without saying it plainly. Whatever is waiting on the other side of your gate — run toward it. Not because the fear goes away. It probably won't. But because the chance of a lifetime doesn't come back around, and somewhere on the other side of that threshold is the thing you were made for. God meets you there, at the gate, in the fear, in the unexpected chance you didn't see coming. That's where He does some of His best work — not in the winner's circle, not in the pageantry, but right there in the trembling, terrifying, holy threshold moment. That's an Unlikely Altar if I've ever seen one. Not the winner's circle. Not the roses. Not the pageantry. Just a trembling creature at a threshold, and a God who showed up anyway. If that's where you are today, standing at the gate, heart pounding, door open, fear loud - - May you know, may you remember, may you never forget: you were made for this moment. And you are not alone in it.
There is a word in the Hebrew Bible that appears more than 150 times, and we have never found an adequate way to translate it into English. The word is chesedh . We try. We use mercy, lovingkindness, steadfast love, and compassion. And every translation captures something true. But none of them capture everything. Because chesedh isn't just a feeling, an attitude, or even a virtue, it's the word the writers of Scripture used over and over again to describe the defining characteristic of God — the way God moves toward people, especially people who have no reason to expect it. And there is a related word, rahamim , which means something even more visceral. It comes from the Hebrew word for womb . It's the kind of love a mother has for the child she carried — not distant, or theoretical, but rather physical and active. It is a love that cannot stay still when the one it loves is suffering. That's what Jesus was talking about when He said, " Blessed are the merciful. " It’s not pity, and it’s more than just feeling sorry for someone from a safe distance. And it surely isn't just some kind thought sent in the general direction of someone's pain. Chesedh . Rahamim . It is a love that gets up and moves. Now imagine you are sitting on that hillside, the day Jesus said those words. You are not there because life is going well. You are there because you are out of other options, and something about this carpenter from Nazareth made you think — maybe. Just maybe He is the One. You are a fisherman with calloused hands who has been told your whole life that God is for the educated and the clean. You are a woman who has been publicly shamed and hasn't forgotten the faces of the people who did it. You are a tax collector who knows exactly what your neighbors think of you. You are a mother whose child is sick and who has been told, quietly and not so quietly, that this is what you deserve. You have heard religious teachers your whole life. You know how this usually goes. They tell you what God requires. But more than that, they like to remind you that you fall short. And they remind you again and again and again. So when Jesus says, " Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy, " what runs through your heart? Probably not faith; at least not yet. Probably something closer to — so what? Nobody has ever shown me that. Why would I believe it now? And yet you stay. Something keeps you on that hillside. Maybe it's hunger. The rahamim kind — deep, desperate, from somewhere in your core. The longing for someone to finally mean it. In November 2008, a high school football team from Gainesville, Texas, took the field for what should have been just another road game. Gainesville State had fourteen players, wore seven-year-old pads and hand-me-down helmets. And they were winless with a 0-8 record. When Gainesville State arrived at games, they were escorted by security guards who removed their handcuffs before kickoff. You see, Gainesville State is a juvenile correctional facility. Their players are there by court order — drugs, assaults, robberies. Many of their families have disowned them. They play every game on the road, so there are no home crowds and no one is cheering their names. Their opponent that night was Faith Christian School — seventy players, eleven coaches, the latest equipment, and hundreds of involved parents. Before the game, Faith's head coach, Kris Hogan, sent an email to his fans. He asked them to do something unusual. Half of them, he said, would sit on the visiting side. They would learn the names of the Gainesville players. And they would cheer for them. When the Gainesville Tornados took the field, they ran through a banner that read Go Tornados. Two hundred strangers cheered their names. Faith's own cheerleaders led cheers for the opposing team. One Gainesville player said, “ We can tell people are a little afraid of us when we come to games. But these people, they were yellin' for us. By our names. ” Faith won 33 to 14. It didn't matter. Because at the end of the game, when the teams gathered to pray, a Gainesville player named Isaiah asked to lead. And this is what he prayed: “ Lord, I don't know how this happened, so I don't know how to say thank You, but I never would've known there were so many people in the world that cared about us. ” That is chesedh. You see, it’s not just feeling sorry for kids in a hard situation. It’s not writing a check from a comfortable distance. But it is about a large group of people who chose to get into the skin of fourteen young men who had never been cheered for and cheered for them anyway. And it changed Isaiah. You can hear it in his prayer. Something broke open in him that night that had never been open before. That is what mercy does when it is real. Isaiah didn't just feel better that night. For maybe the first time in his life, he felt what grace actually feels like, with skin on it. And you don't walk away from that as the same person. They will receive mercy. That crowd on the hillside didn't know what to do with that promise yet. But maybe — just maybe — some of them had felt something like what that young man Isaiah felt. The shock of being cheered for by people who had no reason to cheer. The disorientation of being treated like you matter by people who didn't have to. And maybe that's what finally made them believe it was possible. Chesedh doesn't always look like 200 fans on the bleachers. Sometimes it looks like a cup of cold water handed to a stranger who is thirsty. Doesn't seem like much and is often barely worth mentioning. But to the one drinking it — standing there parched, overlooked, and not expecting anything from anyone — that cup is the whole character of God made visible in one ordinary moment. That's the Unlikely Altar for this one. It isn’t some grand gesture or a stadium full of people. It is the moment when someone who has never been shown mercy receives it — and something in them shifts permanently. Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy. Not because mercy is a transaction. Not because you give it and get it back like change. But because when you live chesedh — when you get into someone's skin and choose to move toward them instead of away — you find yourself swimming in the same love that has been moving toward you your whole life. Even when you didn't know it. Even when you were the one on the visiting side, wondering if anyone would ever cheer your name. May we know, may we remember, may we never forget — there is a love that will not stay at a distance. It has a Hebrew name we cannot fully translate. It comes from the womb. It moves toward the ones everyone else has written off. And somewhere today, in the most ordinary and unexpected moment, it is looking for a way to show up through you. Blessed are the merciful. Go cheer somebody's name.