Standing Side By Side

Some of the strongest people I know are on my team. More than being on my team, many of them have become my friends. And the one who taught me the most is my fraternity little brother. But you wouldn’t necessarily spot them right away. No capes. No podiums. No dramatic backstories offered up over morning coffee. What you might notice first is how steady they are. They show up. They listen well. They tell the truth. They laugh, sometimes loudly, sometimes at themselves. They know how to sit with another human being without trying to fix them too fast. They know how to stay. Many of them are in recovery. That sentence alone carries more weight than it looks like. Recovery isn’t a chapter you finish and put back on the shelf. It’s a daily practice. A way of walking through the world with your eyes open and your defenses down. It’s choosing honesty over hiding, one ordinary Tuesday at a time. I’ve watched these folks do hard things quietly. They answer phones. They make follow-up calls. They hear grief stories and financial fears and family tensions and don’t flinch. They know what it’s like to rebuild a life one small decision at a time, so they don’t rush anyone else through theirs. That kind of strength doesn’t shout. It hums. It sounds like showing up on ordinary days. It sounds like listening more than talking and like staying when it would be easier to disappear. What amazes me is not just that they are sober or clean or in recovery. It’s how they live because of it. They know the cost of avoidance, so they lean into conversations most people would rather dodge. They know what denial sounds like because they once spoke it fluently. They know the danger of “I’ll deal with it later.” Later has taught them its limits. Recovery hasn’t made them perfect. It has given them direction and purpose. It looks like answering the phone honestly, keeping the next appointment, and doing the work in front of them with care. They know that showing up matters. That today counts. That people don’t need to be perfect or polished nearly as much as they need someone to be present. I hear it when they talk with families who are scared and overwhelmed. There’s no judgment in their voice. No impatience. Just a steady kindness that says, “You’re not alone, and you don’t have to carry this by yourself.” That’s not a sales skill. That’s a soul skill. Some days they’ll tell you recovery is about routines. It is about meetings and boundaries. And it is. But it’s also about learning how to live honestly in your own skin. It is about discovering that your story doesn’t disqualify you. They will tell you that your actually qualifies you. If you listen closely, you’ll hear it in the way they talk about time. They don’t waste it. They respect it. They know how quickly things can unravel and how slowly they are rebuilt. Recovery teaches you patience, but not passivity. It teaches you urgency without panic. That’s holy ground. The Unlikely Altar isn’t in the meeting room or the certificate or the anniversary chip. The Unlikely Altar is built in the daily choice to live with your eyes open. To be accountable. To be kind even when kindness costs something. The Unlikely Altar is in the courage it takes to say, “This is who I am, and I’m still standing.” I don’t put these folks on a pedestal. Pedestals are lonely places. But I do learn from them. Every day. They remind me that grace isn’t a one time thing. Grace keeps knocking. And sometimes it knocks through another human being who knows what it means to be rescued and responsible at the same time. If you’re in recovery and reading this, know this: your strength shows. Even when you think it doesn’t. Maybe it shows even more in those times. You are doing sacred work in ordinary moments. You are building Unlikely Altars just by showing up as yourself. And some of us are watching, grateful, steadying our own steps because of yours. To my friends, and to the people I love in recovery, thank you. Truly.

There are days when this work feels quiet in all the wrong ways. It’s dial after dial after dial, and no one answers. Voicemail after voicemail that never gets returned. Texts that get sent carefully, kindly, without pressure. And the hardest part is this: I can see that the texts are read. They don’t go unopened. They don’t disappear into the void. They are delivered. They’re seen and read. And then there’s…silence. And that silence is heavy in its own way. The calls we make aren't cold calls. We pay money for the leads - - leads that are people who filled out a form and asked for information. They raised their hand and said, “Yes, I want to know more.” And then life happens. Or fear does. Or denial. Or exhaustion. Or maybe just the hope that there would always be more time. I don’t know the true answer. But what I do know is that sometimes, when I circle back and try again, I discover that a couple of those names now belong to people who have died. No conversation ever took place. No plan was ever made. Just a request for information, followed by silence, followed by an ending that came sooner than anyone expected. That’s when the questions show up in my head and my heart. What would have been different if I had persisted a bit more? If I had called one more time? If I hadn’t worried so much about being a bother? I know the answers I’m supposed to give myself. I know I can’t control outcomes. I know people get to decide when they engage. I know all of that. And still. This work has a way of slipping past what you know and settling into what you carry. I recently spoke with a widow who told me she waited too long. She managed to scrape together enough to bury her husband, but just barely. The funeral happened. The casseroles came. And then the bills arrived, and they didn’t care that her world had just fallen apart. Months later, she was still struggling to catch up, still paying for decisions she never thought she’d have to make alone. That conversation sits with me when I see a text marked “read” with no reply. It sits with me when someone tells me off for calling again. It sits with me when I’m tempted to believe that silence means disinterest. Because here’s the truth I’ve learned the hard way. I don’t know which call is an interruption and which one is a lifeline. I don’t know which family is one conversation away from relief. And I don’t know which silence will eventually turn into regret. So when someone cusses me out, I try to remember that anger is often fear wearing armor. It’s discomfort. It’s denial. It’s the ache of not wanting to look too closely at something that feels overwhelming. And when I keep calling, even after being ignored, it isn’t stubbornness. It isn’t pressure. It’s love. This work has become my calling, not because it’s easy, but because it matters . Because maybe, just maybe, one more dial leads to one family who doesn’t have to sit in a funeral home office wondering how they’re going to pay before they can say goodbye. Maybe one more conversation spares a widow from having to choose between burying her husband and paying her bills afterward. I can live with being misunderstood. I can live with being told to stop calling. What I don’t want to live with is knowing I stayed quiet when my voice might have helped. So I keep dialing. Not relentlessly, and not without care, but faithfully. With humor when I can. With humility always. And with the hope that somewhere on the other end of the line is a family who will never know how close they came to needing this conversation far too late. If you’ve ever wondered why someone like me keeps calling, even when it would be easier not to, this is why. Grief is heavy enough. And if love sometimes sounds like a ringing phone, I’m okay with that.